If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
