girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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