he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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