pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
