Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
