It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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