I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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