Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
