I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
