she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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