I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He has the fingertips of a God
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