The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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