Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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