ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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