my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
