Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
