I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
