He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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