Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
