I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Randomize
