i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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