if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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