I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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