he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
