I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
