It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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