i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
