I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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