i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
there is puke in my bra ... again
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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