I just threw up on my dentist
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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