I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
