We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm like, not good at living.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
