my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
