I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
