I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I had to cum in my sink.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
