I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
