So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
