So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
