I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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