So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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