i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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