he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
