i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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