What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My life is pants optional.
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