He asked to "fluff my boner.."
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
