the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize