Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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