Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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