After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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