Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
