My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
