On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
