I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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