Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ketchup is God's man juice
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
