I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
