she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she smelled like a LAN party
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
