So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
