She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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