Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize