I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
