He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Never joke about your clitoris.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
