Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I need water and some morals
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
