Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
