Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
