please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
