Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Randomize
